Taking Responsibility of My Own Happiness

Taking Responsibility of My Own Happiness

You know those people that change the energy of a room when they walk in, that is Meesh Coles, she fills it with a warm, inviting and loving energy that fuels your soul. Her approach to food is inspiring as she grows her career as a holistic nutritionist and private chef. Her food displays are a true expression of her carefree and playful personality (have a scroll of her Instagram @meesh.coles to see the beauty).

Meesh's ME TIME MOMENT is vulnerable, honest and raw it will inspire anyone who is currently in a relationship that does not serve you, at a point where you feel like you've lost yourself and may be having suicidal thoughts and those seeking inner happiness.

Her dedication to overcoming this rock-bottom in her life, daily me-time practice's and becoming ok with being alone with herself showcases how we are truly the only ones in control of our happiness. 

Meesh's Me Time Moment

1. Name, profession + how long have you been in your current profession?
Meesh Coles. Holistic nutritionist & private chef for retreats, events & personal clients. I teach workshops and work 1:1 with clients. I have been working in this profession for the last 4 years.
2. What is your Astrological sign? What is your Human Design? (if you know it)
Sun: Aquarius, Moon: Aries, Rising: Pisces. Human design: Projector (splenic authority, split definition, 1/3)
3. What kind of tea sipper are you?
DIGEST - "My cravings sometimes get the best of me, yumm!"
4. Where did you grow up + what was your childhood like?
I grew up in Kelowna, BC - in the Okanagan Valley. I absolutely loved my childhood and really appreciate now how my parents raised me. We spent a lot of time outdoors, every summer out camping and exploring. Extended family was like immediate family, we were always together. I remember baseball games, pool parties, barefoot stomping raspberries to make home-made jam, the craft room, wood work in the garage, pulling carrots from the garden, mushroom picking, baking with mom and learning our families signature dishes from dad (spaghetti and eggs)! Friends were always welcome to our house and we often hosted every holiday. I just remember having fun. We weren't a family that was super well off but my parents did a great job of always having something lined up for us kids.

5. What was your first job?
When I was 14 I had my first real boyfriend, his dad practiced as a Naturopathic Doctor and paid me cash to put his work CD's in envelopes and keep his office organized!

6. When do you believe your inner self journey began?
A long time ago. I can't be so sure when. The furthest I can recall was around age 14, I was sensitive to energy from others, curious about spirituality, having conversations with my friends about the planet, our daily practices in taking care of the environment, the ying and yangs of the world and humans actions. I remember always wanting to be with people, not in a social way, but instead I would plug in my disc-man and go walk for hours, looking at people as I passed by. I always felt like I could feel what they were feeling. I wanted to help everyone. Nearly 15 years later, and I still find myself plugging my headphones in and going for walks for hours, just to be with people, nature, life around me. I feel very deeply and at times, have to be careful with how much I let in. I've always enjoyed this time though, it grounds me and gives me great compassion and empathy for others.
7. What was a pivotal Me Time Moment in your life?
Oof. This is either difficult to write because others will read it or because I will be reliving it word by word typed. Regardless, it's sensitive, vulnerable and resulted in a strength I would have never had, had it not happened.

In August 2018 I told my partner (at the time) that I was mentally not well and that I had been having suicidal thoughts. I had been feeling an unbelievable amount of sadness, heaviness and depth that I had never experienced before. I was worried about myself and didn't know the first action to take in making it even slightly better. I just knew I had to do something.

I had poured so much of myself into that relationship and completely stopped prioritizing taking care of myself. Even though I had (and have) the most amazing support network - family, friends, community - it was as if there was a huge cloud covering all of them. Their love and relation to me I could feel and was aware of, but at the end of the day what mattered to me was my relationship. His opinions, attention and love were what I desired most to feel worthy. When we began to fall apart, I began to grasp.

In the end, I had never felt so lonely in my life. I remember the day we broke up (the pivotal day), I stood there alone in my apartment. Minutes after he had left, I was shaking, staring at the floor, so scared, so heart broken, and in complete shock. I did the only thing that came to mind, I slipped my shoes on and ran to the ocean. I remember running right to the waters edge, dropping to the ground, hugging my body close and staring out at the sunset over the ocean. I remember thinking not, "How do I get him back?" but, "How do I take care of myself? I have no idea, and I need to learn. Fast."

I remember googling "self-care" and tried what these articles suggested and soon found out, these practices weren't for me. Every night I went to sunset beach to watch sunset and one of these evenings I wrote out a list of all the things that I knew I loved that contributed to who I was. A.k.a - watching sunset, reading poetry, painting, cooking, dancing in my kitchen, yoga, swimming in the ocean, and so forth. I began to fill the free-time I had in my days with things from this list. Somedays when something heavy would come over me, instead of distracting myself, I would sit exactly where I stood (normally in my apartment), and just let it flood over me. I would feel it being painful, I would feel the heaviness of my chest and I would sit there until I could release it.

I've had many unfortunate incidents happen in life, and on paper, would be worse than a break-up, but this heart ache was the hardest thing I had ever experienced.

Slowly over time, and with a unique dedication to loving myself, I started to feel better. One day I remember walking in the evening, poking in and out of shops. I used to dread evenings, when I knew I was headed home and no one was expecting me, no one was waiting up for me. This evening was different, I caught myself in a moment of enjoying my own company. I stood up taller and smiled to myself, I couldn't believe I was happy enjoying my own company. It had been a long time since I had felt this. Not only was no one waiting to see me, I didn't want to see anyone either. I wanted to bask in my own company. I knew it wouldn't last, but I did know the energy and commitment I had been giving myself, was healing me.

Skip ahead a year and a bit from then, taking me-time/self-care time, is so unbelievably important to me. I often ask others about their practices, what it uniquely looks like for them and encourage them to spend time figuring it out if they don't know. I also believe in having a creative outlet, some form of self-expression.

My mom always said to me growing up "you're the only one responsible for your own happiness." My dedication to myself, the language I choose to speak to myself, the alone time I prioritize, the boundaries I set, the way I spend my time, is for the most part, all so intentional. My practice is to love myself, everyday. I choose to be my best friend, to support my sensitive self, to be okay with the boundaries I have set and go back to that big list of Meesh loving practices often.

Ft. Meesh Coles 

Shop Meesh's favourite blend DIGEST

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